As I was praying the other day Tuesday I ask God to help me keep my heart clean, to keep it pure and to keep it soft. I had a memory of a few years back when I was at an Aglow meeting, I don't remember who the speaker was but, I do remember her asking us to shut our eyes and welcome Jesus into our hearts. She asked us to open the door to our hearts so that Jesus could walk in. I remember wanting to then I just got mad and said NO because of what was allowed to happen to me as a child so it was as if I was on the inside of my heart holding onto the door so no one could open it from either side.
I told Jesus Tuesday that I don't ever want to go back to that place again in my life and that I was thankful that I eventually opened that door and let Him soften my heart.
That morning also the neighbor behind me was getting his tree trimmed back and I thought about John 15:1-8. I prayed that I would not be one of those branches that were being cut from the tree. I wondered how many Christians are falling away, how many have not yet connected to the tree and how many are hanging on. I know that I so want to bear fruit and do good and have Jesus in me forever.
There is so much uncertainty in the world today that my prayer is that people will start to look up instead of just shrugging their shoulders and going on.
What makes a good parent? A said that I was not being a parent to her because I will not her "boy friend" come over during the week. She said other parents do and that her bio Mom when they lived together let her boyfriend come over. I certainly don't have any right answers but I do know that she needs structure and that she can't always get her way when she is not keeping up with her grades, so what is one to do.
I think back to when I was in foster care but I had no boy friend and had no girl friends either so I did not have anybody to ask over,and when I lived with my sister I would not dare ask to have a boy friend over as my brother-in-law would have had a fit. I wanted to but just kept who I liked at school to myself and only talked to him at school and invited no one to the house. Well ok two friends of mine would come over sometimes, Tracie and Sandra but not very often because of my brother-in-law.
I was always at Sandra's house and several times we would just take off walking and come home whenever. Not sure why she wanted to go but I just did not want to be at the house. What a mess back then. Thank God I was able to forgive the past and let it be in the past.
My friend photographed the masks I did and they came out great so hopefully when I get my life in order on paper these pictures will copy good. It is a bit intimidating knowing that maybe there will be a group of people reading and looking at pictures of your life. I wonder how I will feel once it is done. I know I need to do this. Even if one person reads it and forgives wholeheartedly and can move on then I know I did the right thing.
What an up hill battle one has once they take the first step to recovery. Baby steps at first then smaller steps then your walking then your sprinting and you finally get a glimpse of the finish line then one day you are running towards that finish line and eventually you cross over, YEA !!!!! What a feeling.
Be blessed and good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment