The End of The Day

Truly it was the end of the day for a friend and c0-worker at around 8:00 - 8:30 AM. She lost her battle with cancer after about two years. I'll miss her laugh and always getting on to us about keeping our work area clean, Michelle your in my heart today and always.

I tried praying tonight and could not, thought of God and thought of Michelle, thought of heaven and thought of Michelle and the tears came. Surely God understands our loss, His gain, our loss.

This morning as I was reading in Mark 15:16 where Jesus was being beaten before His death I thought of myself as a child being abused and I thought of Ashley being beaten, no comparrison to what Jesus went through but was thinking how bad I feel that A was beat as a child and how nothing was done about it. I know we live in a fallen world but, it so breaks my heart that we are going backwards instead of forward in trying to find some solution and or a way to slow down all this child abuse. I guess it won't end until the END.

Do you ever wonder why some people have to go through things that other people don't? why some are rich and some are poor why some are sick and some healthy? Have you ever felt that you have not done what you were born to do? Not sure where I am going with this train of thought but it is here. I guess I am thinking about death and if I were to die tonight did I do what God placed me here on earth to do?

I have escaped death several times in my 40 some odd years of life, some by natural causes and some by self inflicting ways. Why has God allowed me to stay? What am I suppose to be doing? Am I doing it my fostering A? Is it God's plan for me to write my life down and talk about forgiveness and how that is going to get one whole? I received a Christmas card from a friend back in Georgia, she was the high school counselor who wrote in the card that I made a productive life. I wrote her back and asked "have I really" somehow I don't feel as though I have.

My life is probably no different than anyone else's other than I made sure that I was NOT going to be a victim anymore, that I was going to be a survivor. That I would embrace the forgiveness concept no matter what it took. I walked through many exhausting years and if truth be told exhausted many people out along the way.

I'll end my thoughts on a good note, the Christmas dog has found a home. A friend of mine took her and is doing great.

Be blessed and good night.