The End of The Day

Nothing like a hard day of work be it physical or just plain busy doing errands. Love being outside doing yard work, the sun in your face, getting dirty and sweaty. Your hands hurt from the shovel or the rake or the pruning shears, whatever your tool or tools of choice. The kicker is my hip and knee and of course the back can't take much of this over a long period of time so have to take several breaks but I eventually get things done.
Thinking today about this foster care. I may end up going back to work and changing companies to the CYFD agency which is regular foster care as treatment care, at least with the Bair Foundation is becoming like a prison. They say line of sight 24/7 which I understand out in the open, but at your own home having to follow the kids everywhere and not being able to go outside without them out with you. What if the kid does not want to go outside for an hour or so while you are doing the yard work, then you don't do it. How does it get done?
I seem frustrated but this just does not seem right. The parents need to get things done and some of us are single so it makes it hard. I have committed to keeping A until her treatments for a medical condition is over that will be when she is 18 so I'll see how things go over the next nine months and then decide.

I can't get writing out of my head but when I sit to write or type nothing comes out. I think of things all day to write about life about my life but I get stuck when it comes time to put pen to paper. I really want to write about my life and the lessons I have learned and hopefully help someone else. Maybe one day the writers block will go away.
Good night and be blessed

The End of The Day

"I have decided not to do anymore chemotherapy", my friend tells me on Saturday. I knew this would be sooner than later, I guess I was thinking,hoping it would not be this soon though. She says she feels better now that she has made a decesion. Why such a hard disease for her?
I have to be honest, I have thought it should be me. I have no kids to watch grow up, so therefore no grandkids, I have no husband to leave behind, my dad and Melba would probably follow close behind me in death, my brothers and sister would would miss me, I would hope but they would be happy that I would be with the Lord. My friend has a husband and kids and grandkids to watch live their lives,plus a husband who adores her, she should be the one to stay.

A is doing OK. Not sure if the problems she hasn't gotten herself in has had a impact on her yet. I pray that she will learn from this. Only she can help herself, I can try to steer her in the right direction, but it is ultimately up to her.

I so enjoy being outside working in the yard with my Grace beside me. A girl and her dog, what can be better than this. My Missy watches from the window as she will take off if not on a leash. I take her out sometimes and put her where she can see me and she just lies down and watches. She balances me and Grace.

Good night and be blessed.

The End of The Day

My heart aches. I so want to be a positive influence in A's life but the way she is treating me and the things she is doing, I think she really just wants a bed and food. People tell me how much different I am from the other foster parents they come in contact with, that if A fells the program it won't be any fault of mine and this broke my heart also, as I figured we are all in this for one purpose, and that is to help these kids to the best of our ability.
The school personal tell me even "real" parents don't take as much interest in their own children as I do in A.
I was reminded the other day to cast all cares on HIM, which I have not been doing as much as I should. I know I can do nothing on my own. I learned this lesson a long time ago when I was going through my own therapy and healing. I've said this before once I let God take control things just fell into place.
I knew going into this new line of work that I would be taken advantage of, but it does hurt. I need to keep things in perspective.

Well my front yard is coming along. I finally got the cement ledge out. what a job that was. I thought I could just use a sledge hammer take the top 6" off then dig down a little way and pop out the footing, oh my what a job that was. The footing was a good 12-13" or more down. A friend of mine came over to help. Thank goodness for David.
Now what do I do with the yard? Am thinking of putting some gravel and keeping some grass for the dogs. Will rent a tiller in a few weeks take up the weeds and the little grass that I have there and start fresh with something. Anybody reading this, would like some ideas.
Am so missing my family back in Georgia. Am trying to get there in July.

The rain is coming. My hip and knee have been hurting all day. Only worked an hour or so outside today, just could not walk. Vicodin and a half plus some Motrin still hurting.

Good night and be blessed.

The End of The Day

In the light of day eveything seems to be ok,when the sun sets things seem to go dim. Don't know if I am in a slump or if it is the change in weather,probably a little of both.
A told me I did not care about her and that she is going to run. Told her there is the door, just go, don't sneak out in the middle of the night, be brave and do it in front of me, why set the alarm off. I am short with her she seems to be doing everything she can to get into trouble. I don't think she gets it that this is her last chance.
When I was in foster care I was there to get help, to better myself. Not saying that I didn't push the limits sometimes, but nothing like A is doing. She won't listen to anyone, just does her own thing.
Whe will she see the light? Maybe not for awhile. It took me awhile and I know people were getting frustrated with me so I need to remember where I once was and go with the flow.
I want to see her succeed and do good. Praying for a good outcome.
Good night and be blessed.

The End of The Day

Oh my what a day, what a week. I see a Y in the road, never thought I would see this again. Thoughts are running rampant. Can't seem to get them on one track.
I am tired of the struggles of life, I know there is going to be trials and tribulations but does it ever end?
The ocean is full of mysteries and life has it's mysteries and we won't figure them out until we are dead, but, who wants to wait until then, why can't we have a glimpse into the mysteries.
That's all. Good night and be blessed.

The End of The Day

On this path that Iam now on I am reminded that everything we do or say affects someone else in some way or another.
I hope my foster daughter gets this now, that she is on house arrest and how it is going to effect me. I knew this job was not going to be easy, I only pray that I can maintain my composure.

Good night and be blessed

The End of The Day

Our Lord has risen today!! Now words can really describe how I feel about this. My heart leaps for joy knowing what He did, yet saddened at the same time knowing what He had to go through so I might live.
If we could only remember this every day not just on this day. We were told today in church to let God turn our stony hearts into soft ones. I am so glad that I did that so many years ago. Oh my what a relief it was when my heart was soften. If we will open ourselves up to what God has for us life would be good.
I am thankful that I have God in my life especially now that I am a "parent" otherwise I would not be able to guide these children that God has placed in my home and will place in my home. I certainly need His wisdom every day on what to do and what to say.
Good night and be blessed.

The End of The Day

Oh my what a day! What a few days! How does one regain anothers trust when it has been broken? A teenagers trust at that. I am frustrated at A's actions and I am trying to understand her thoughts in why she does what she does. I know it is hard being a teenager in foster care and having no freedom or at least very little of it. I guess I think because she knows there is a possibility of her going to prison if she breaks her probation or does anything wrong, there is a chance of a felony on her record, that she would think before she acts. She told us today that she did not think what she did would hurt anyone or that it would matter. Not sure I understand this statement and she could not explain it either.
I was told by her therapist to let her take slow steps in her recovery, I for one know this all too well. I am not or needing her to pour out her raw emotions to me, I do want her to be honest with me and give me the benefit of doubt that I will believe her.
Her actions are causing her consequences and those are making her upset but my hands are tied, I have to give them to her, otherwise how will she learn?

A friend told me the other day that it is not flesh and blood that we are fighting but it is principalities and powers and I have to admit I felt ashamed of myself as I blamed God for things that are happening right now, I went home and asked for His forgiveness. For the life of me I don't know why I thought God was putting all these things on my friends and why A is having such a hard time making the right choices. I have been praying and rebuking the enemy from A's life and my friends.

Am so glad that my God understands my weakness and my short comings.
Good night and be blessed.